When I was 23, I really liked this guy right. We went out a few times before he told me that he was moving to another country to pursue acting and modeling. And my pubescent 23 year old heart shattered (not really but you think that it does at 23.) (I hardly knew myself at 23.) The last time I saw him was at some bar in Little Tokyo. After I got slightly more brave drinking a single Moscow mule, I told him the next time he came back to the states that I’d have accomplished my goals and that was to get into law school and that I’d also have long voluminous hair (clearly I had short hair back then and wished for this) and that he’d regret not pursuing long distance with me. (Basically, rejecting me.) He walked me to my car, I didn’t try to keep in touch and I never saw him again. And life went on as it does.
But this story isn’t really about the boy. Even if the 5 year old in me wants to stick my tongue out when I see his name pop up in my inbox. I don’t reply. I like how that small chapter was written and how it ended. So I keep it that way.
It’s about keeping your promises to yourself, about pursuing exactly what you want even in circumstances that aren’t so ideal - especially when you’re uncomfortable as hell and doubt likes to whisper sweet nothings into your ear. Try to remember to speak above these whispers - to keep going.
And what I’ve learned is that sometimes the person you think you’re into is really just a mirror of yourself - or at least the attributes that you hope to have in somebody else. And sometimes these traits aren’t there at all but you hope to God that they are and it’s funny how our perception plays tricks on us - you could in one moment think that there was this tension “so real” that the other person had to look away but in reality, they might’ve just had something in their eye. And maybe they’re really solid at eye contact with no purpose other than to utilize the skills they’ve learned in hospitality. You could in one moment think this is the love of my life but you forget that there is a learning process. Rarely do you have it all figured out from the start. And it’s in the process where you will find what traits you want in another person that’ll complement yours, and what traits you lack. What traits you can do without and what areas you can work on together. Sometimes you even learn that regardless of sharing the same language, there will be a communication barrier that keeps you miles apart. And you learn that hair will always grow back.
people keep saying “go big or go home” as if going home doesn’t sound like the best idea ever?? hell yeah i wanna go home, and i’m gonna take a nap when i get there
(via bl-ossomed)
